That Was Some Resident Evil Shit Right There

I'm not sure at what time it happened, but sometime in the night after I fell asleep, I had a nightmare. I'm not a stranger to nightmares, I've had them before. Not frequently, but I've have htem none-the-less. What was different about this one was that it was much clearer than usual, and I woke up screaming.

All that happened was that I opened my eyes and saw everything... burnt. Like really horrible burns, but everywhere. All over me, my bed, my room... just everywhere. The really scary thing is that it looked so real. My dreams/nightmares are usually kind of hazy, but this one... I could have sworn it was real. Hence the screaming... that, and I couldn't move until I woke up. My parents heard me, so they went into my room, but I didn't open my eyes, I just turned to my side, told them I was okay, and went back to sleep.

It was so fucked, I swear.

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Now playing: AeroSmith - Jaded
via FoxyTunes

Why Must The Beginning Be So Difficult?

Video games are such bullshit. The final boss is always the most difficult, but from what I've seen, in real life, the beginning is the worst part of it. To start something is the most complicated part of it... whatever it is. I'm not talking about things that you have to keep going, like medication or exercise or any kind of daily thing, but more like, the first time you do something. The first time, you don't know how to do it, even though everyone tells you what they know, you still don't know shit. I hate that, that uncertainty, the feeling of opening the door and not knowing what will come out. It's like going into a new room in a horror game. Everyone tells you what's behind the door, but even then, you're still afraid to open the door, even though you know for a fact what will be there. Actually, it's worse than that, because at least in the game you know what will be there and you just have to deal with the shock of seeing it. In real life, you don't even know what's behind the door. No matter what people say, it can still be completely different. I know, the worst that can happen is that she says no, but still, I want so badly for her not to say no, for her to say yes, that the anticipation, the nervousness, the fear, is too much.

Then the other part of it, I don't even know how to open the door. I could just ask her, but that feels too direct, too awkward, but at the same time, that's all I can think of doing. I want to explain to her why I want to ask, but I'm not sure if she'll even listen to me. Maybe I'm wrong with what I think. Maybe my reasons for wanting to ask her aren't real, maybe I just got the wrong impression...

And it's not like asking anyone for help works. I've already done that, and I'm still confused (didn't I already say that?).

Fuuuck. Why must this be so hard?

The First Post

I'm not quite sure yet what this blog will be for. I never really liked writing down my feelings or emotions. When I do, it's something big or so emotional that if I don't write it down somewhere I'll explode. Maybe that's what this will become, an outlet for whatever emotions that are building up... I guess we'll have to see. Really, I would have loved to make this post more memorable, what with it being the first and all, but it's like 2:16, and I don't have much to say.

The only reason why I made this was because a friend made one, and I said I'd make one as well. Hmm...