What is Reality?

Suppose that all that is reality is only reality within the confines of our universe, assuming that the universe, whether infinitely expanding or not, has, at any moment, a finite amount of space. Also assume that there are multiple universes, ours being only one in an infinite number of universes. Then, taking both into, what is it that exists, or more correctly, doesn't exist, between the universes? If what is real is only real in our universe, than doesn't that mean that once we leave our universe and venture between ours and others, that we would not exist?

But then, you have to question the quality of existence. It was once famously said by René Descartes that "cogito, ergo sum," in other words, I think, therefor I am. By saying this, he means that by just entertaining the question "do I exist?" he has proven to himself that he exist. He also means that just because he has proven to himself that he exists, that does not mean he has proven the existence of anyone else, whether to himself or to anyone else. All things considered, there's not much you can say to go against this. However, the idea itself rests on a common agreement on what it means to exist.

If a robot capable of artificial intelligence is able to prove to itself that it exists, does that mean that it does exist? That is where the idea ends, the fact that, even if the robot can its existence to itself, its existence cannot be proven to anyone else. This applies to people too; it's all good and well if you can prove to yourself that you exist, in the end no one can take that away from you, but if you can't prove your existence to anyone else, then do you truly exist? If you are ignored by everyone, everything, then what does it matter that you exist to yourself?

I've heard that there once was a philosophy professor who asked his students to prove to him that the chair in the room exists. Many students tried and failed, resorting to the senses for proof. It was only when a student asked "what chair?" was the professor satisfied.

This story, however, means nothing. If something exists to one person but doesn't to everyone else, then it's possible that the one person is crazy. At the same time, though, it's also possible that everyone else is crazy, and that only the once person isn't. Is so then how can anything be proven to exist? Even if everyone agrees that the chair does indeed exist, then what does it matter if the chair exists or doesn't? Does a universal agreement on the existence of something make it exist? But what if then, when everyone else agrees a person exist, what if that person doesn't agree on his own existence? What does it mean then? Is "cogito ergo sum" completely irrelevant then?

It all comes back to the question that once we exit the universe (if it is at all possible), do we (assuming we do indeed exist) cease to exist? If reality is defined by what we believe to be real, if reality is confined to the limits of the universe, what happens when we break the limit and enter the other place?

I guess it all depends on whether or not every universe is packed tight together, or there's a shit load of nothing between it all, like a brick wall held literally together by shit.

What do you do when you need new friends?

Don't understand? Let me explain.

We all have our different groups of friends. Most commonly, it's the friends at school/work/group, and the real friends, the friends we hang out with, tell our secrets to, the people whom we would do anything for. For most of my life, I mainly had friends from the first group. Friends from the second were hard to come by. I've met people who could have gone from the first group to the latter, but the way my life went made it impossible, or extremely difficult.

In 9th grade, for the first time in a long time, I met people who (at the moment of writing, this following sentence is under question by the author) are definitely people who are of the second group. But then my time with them was cut short when I switched high school. Earlier this year, I started talking to one of them again, the one who I felt most connected to. Now, we've become better friends, and I've befriended a few of her friends who I didn't know before.

In the school I go to, I'm not sure which group my friends belong to. I know some who definitely belong in the first group, but the rest I'm not sure where they lie. I can think of a few who don't belong in the first group, but at the same time I'm not sure if they go into the second, but more like somewhere in the middle. Or maybe they are in the second, but they're not the kind of friends I'm looking for.

That's what this is about. The friends I do have, I'm not sure about. But at the same time, I don't know where else to go. When I say they might not be the kind of friends I'm looking for, I mean that I don't feel so close to them as I should, or at least as I need them to be. It's so confusing.

But, for sure, without doubt, I know there is one friend who is of the latter group. I can trust her, and we work so well together. I don't mean in a romantic way, I'm happy being friends, and it's not like it's a problem. I really am so happy that she's my friend, and I know that she feels the same way about me.

The problem that there is, though, is that I'm not sure if the kind of friendship we have is the kind I should have in others. I'm not saying that in the "I shouldn't feel about other people the way I should about her" kind of way, but more like, shouldn't I feel that way about other people?

I know I'm not the only person who feels this way, but I know that no one around me feels that way, so now... I dont' know what to do, or how to feel. A part of me feels so lonely knowing that there's only one friend that I have that I might actually, truly consider a friend. But then the other part of me thinks I'm just overreacting to how I feel, and I should calm down.

What the fuck am I supposed to do!? Why the hell does this have to be so hard? Why can't I just be happy with what I do have and just shut up!?

Why won't anyone help me?

That Was Some Resident Evil Shit Right There

I'm not sure at what time it happened, but sometime in the night after I fell asleep, I had a nightmare. I'm not a stranger to nightmares, I've had them before. Not frequently, but I've have htem none-the-less. What was different about this one was that it was much clearer than usual, and I woke up screaming.

All that happened was that I opened my eyes and saw everything... burnt. Like really horrible burns, but everywhere. All over me, my bed, my room... just everywhere. The really scary thing is that it looked so real. My dreams/nightmares are usually kind of hazy, but this one... I could have sworn it was real. Hence the screaming... that, and I couldn't move until I woke up. My parents heard me, so they went into my room, but I didn't open my eyes, I just turned to my side, told them I was okay, and went back to sleep.

It was so fucked, I swear.

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Now playing: AeroSmith - Jaded
via FoxyTunes

Why Must The Beginning Be So Difficult?

Video games are such bullshit. The final boss is always the most difficult, but from what I've seen, in real life, the beginning is the worst part of it. To start something is the most complicated part of it... whatever it is. I'm not talking about things that you have to keep going, like medication or exercise or any kind of daily thing, but more like, the first time you do something. The first time, you don't know how to do it, even though everyone tells you what they know, you still don't know shit. I hate that, that uncertainty, the feeling of opening the door and not knowing what will come out. It's like going into a new room in a horror game. Everyone tells you what's behind the door, but even then, you're still afraid to open the door, even though you know for a fact what will be there. Actually, it's worse than that, because at least in the game you know what will be there and you just have to deal with the shock of seeing it. In real life, you don't even know what's behind the door. No matter what people say, it can still be completely different. I know, the worst that can happen is that she says no, but still, I want so badly for her not to say no, for her to say yes, that the anticipation, the nervousness, the fear, is too much.

Then the other part of it, I don't even know how to open the door. I could just ask her, but that feels too direct, too awkward, but at the same time, that's all I can think of doing. I want to explain to her why I want to ask, but I'm not sure if she'll even listen to me. Maybe I'm wrong with what I think. Maybe my reasons for wanting to ask her aren't real, maybe I just got the wrong impression...

And it's not like asking anyone for help works. I've already done that, and I'm still confused (didn't I already say that?).

Fuuuck. Why must this be so hard?

The First Post

I'm not quite sure yet what this blog will be for. I never really liked writing down my feelings or emotions. When I do, it's something big or so emotional that if I don't write it down somewhere I'll explode. Maybe that's what this will become, an outlet for whatever emotions that are building up... I guess we'll have to see. Really, I would have loved to make this post more memorable, what with it being the first and all, but it's like 2:16, and I don't have much to say.

The only reason why I made this was because a friend made one, and I said I'd make one as well. Hmm...